Are you willing to be wrong?

Been a while. Now that that's out of the way...

Are you willing to be wrong?

I ask this in the context of your belief set, and though it could apply to any type of belief, I mean it as a reflection of your faith, or the lack thereof.

If two people of an opposing view sit down to a casual debate (or even a rigorous one), what good is it if both have already made up their mind? They could go on for hours, but if both approach the other with a pre-conceived, immovable philosophy, they are utterly wasting their breath. I've found all sides of the faith debate guilty of this; more of a school yard scrap than an honest inquiry of the other's opinions. I of course don't speak against argument itself, but rather argument lost on one unable to listen. I also wouldn't propose a weak resolve; one must surely stand firm in what they believe. However, once the firmness of one's standing leads him to nail his feet to the ground, he's forfeited his honesty for bigotry.

I say this as one tired of wasting my own words on those absent of reason. If I refute one's argument, I don't expect their mind to be blown, but I also grow tired of the "shoulder shrug," as if to say, "well you say that, but I still don't believe it." I don't need you to believe it, I just need you to think about it rather than brush it away; an honor I give in return to arguments of mine that fall.

If you "refuse" to believe something, you may as well not bother talking to me. If reason and logic give way to emotion driven thinking, offense, or anger, you may as well not bother talking to me. If you don't care what I think, but rather just want me to hear what you think, you may as well not bother talking to me. To the Atheist bigot, the Christian bigot, and the vast collection of other bigots, let me know what you are before I waste my time.

Resurrection

Ok, so for some reason I keep coming back to this blog. I've probably got 10 different unpublished drafts of posts I considered putting up, perhaps I need to push myself here. If not for anyone else, for myself. I still don't think I'll be writing in the form of a journal as I originally was, but there are plenty of other things I'm starting to discover I have motivation to write about.

About a week ago I joined a couple online forums. You may know a forum as a message board; same thing. Both forums are largely secular intellectually charged boards, which is exactly what I wanted. I needed to put myself in an environment where I had a broad range of thinking, to see if all the junk in my head can actually be articulated and defended. I've been having a blast debating, discussing, and speculating through subjects ranging from politics to philosophy, and of course, religion. Its one thing to build up all my thoughts, my philosophies, and my ideas in my own head; its another thing entirely to vocalize them to a wild card audience. It helps me solidify my thoughts, and think deeper through them as counter points or additional input is added by others. When these things remain a pool in my head, I can never quite catch them when I need it. I feel like this will be a very good thing for me.

That being said, perhaps I'll transfer some of my thoughts that arise from these forums to this blog. It can serve as a sort of log for my meandering brain. Also, I'm going to try to force myself to write about literature I read. I think the same thing is true for what I learn through these books as what happens through articulating through the boards; I'll start to solidify what I've learned by writing it somewhere.

Lets see how round 2 goes.

Short Lived?

Well, its clearly not gonna happen. There are only a fraction of my thoughts I would want logged into the annals of the internet -- the rest will stay where no man nor machine can use them to mold my likeness. There is a restraint when speaking aloud, a filter that holds back ourselves from the world. For some this barrier is slight, but for me it is vast.

Perhaps I can find some other thing to to motivate me; some removed reason to write. Perhaps there will be reason to write about the lighter things, though I've never seen much use in that. I like to experience the joys of life; to breathe them in and savor them. Words are too sobering for the little beauties; too cheap for cheap laughs. It's the deeper waters that cause words flowing from my fingertips. Deeper and darker. Thus is the problem with transparency. All one and none of the other makes a twisted thing; even if its closer to the truth.

Good luck, godspeed, etc.

Christmas

It's Christmas day! What better reminder than Christmas to set aside my head for a bit? I've wrought myself with too many burdens of the mind lately. Today, though, I will enjoy my family, be thankful for what I have, and forget the twisting vines of deeper thought. There is a great wisdom in this; the ability to set aside the stress of thought and enjoy life for its little joys. This is a balance I will have to work out, but that is for another time.

On that note, it leaves me with little to talk about. I think I'll go pour myself some coffee with eggnog and drink it by the fire. Such a wonderful stereotype.

Disclaimer

I should first be as clear as possible. I am surely not qualified to say anything I will indeed say; I am not a writer, nor a philosopher. I read books written by masters of their field, and I'm reminded how inadequate I am to retain the wisdom and knowledge that they offer. I often hit linguistic roadblocks, searching for a word in my detestably limited vocabulary that I know should fit, but can't recall. I often remember a theme, but not the author of it. I am a self-aware fool, a caricature of wisdom frantically searching for gimmicks to use as party tricks. I am an artist with my head firmly planted in the clouds, and eyes longingly gazing downward.

That being said, if I am to write, it is those whom I seek to follow that I will imitate most. I've been keeping a journal for a while now, and in it I decided to write exactly how I think; no matter the accessibility, contradictions, or disgraces of format. After all, I have been its only reader. So, if I am to dually imitate my own mind and my mentor's here, I have a chance of actually motivating myself to write. I know this means my audience will likely be small to none; the subjects I'll likely ponder through have much better sources than I to spend time reading. Nevertheless, I am incapable of simply writing conventional daily motivation, or thrilling tales of my life; I would quickly find myself abandoning yet another sinking ship in the shallow water of the blogosphere.

That's not to say I can guarantee that I won't jump ship anyway. The fear of writing about what my mind wrestles with is how its perceived. I, by trade, can't romp around spouting anything I want. I am employed by a Christian organization, and in all ways that matter (to me) this doesn't conflict with my thoughts. However, its not a stretch to say I'm hardly conventional in my theology, probably less so than most that know me even realize. All this to say, if I find myself having to tread too carefully, I'll retreat back to my journal where my words are kept for me alone. I wouldn't last long with a shock collar.

With all that said, this first post ends up saying nothing; a disclaimer to currently empty pages that may or may not fill.